A Small Slip of the Tongue

First of all, my apologies for the lack of photos. We are currently experiencing technical difficulties with storage, uploading, etc. So I will post as soon as that's resolved. Promise!

For now, however, I would like you all to share in some fun slips of the tongue that I have had. See, I've been sick with "gripe" (literally flu but used to describe every sickness under the sun--mine's more of a really bothersome cold). Anyway, when I have a lot of sinus congestion, I often struggle to express myself well--I blame the headache and all the energy my body puts into fighting off the sickness...no energy is left to help my brain work! But, from this sickness has come two very funny mistakes.

Numero Uno: John and I were volunteered (no we did not raise our hands for this) to be in charge of our ward's stake musical number for the Christmas devotional. (Translation for those not of our faith: our congregation put us in charge of a christmas song that we'll perform for all the other mormon congregations in the area). You see, it is assumed that because we're American, we can sing. Luckily they're right. It was also assumed we could play an instrument well enough to play in front of hundreds of people...that is not exactly true. We both play guitar but I'm at 101 level and John's at 201. Yeah, we're not rockers! Luckily in the end, we squirmed out of the guitar part of the deal. But I am the director of the choir. I didn't konw how to lead music till I was 21 and have no formal training in this, but I'm the best they've got, so we move on. Anyway, I've been coaching them on their stance, how to hold their heads, how to breath, how to stay on key! And so forth. At the end of our practice on Sunday, one of the men said, "we should make sure not to drink anything cold on the day of the performance." I added, "That's true, and also don't drink orange juice or milk." They get a horrified look and ask, "Is milk bad for you, Rebeca?" I realized they thought I was talking in general, so I clarified. Now, I'd like you to picture me saying this in a thick Spanish accent so you can appreciate the English accent they hear as I talk. I said, "Not generally, but if you drink milk on the day of the performance, it will make a lot of, uh, booggers in your throat." I know the word for congestion and for flem, but did those words occur to me at the time, in church, while directing a choir of about 30 people? Nope! That got a laugh...and didn't stop for a while. Oh, but number 2 is even better. It's true.

Numero Dos: Some friends were asking about our traditional meals for Christmas. They eat tamales here, which aren't my favorite but are just fine for one or two meals. Anyway, so I got really excited and started telling them about this awesome chicken/turkey I make with citrus fruits inside the cavity of the bird, from which you then make a delicious gravy. I realized as I talked that they don't ever use their ovens (except for storage) and that this meant they wouldn't have a baster. Not an essential element, but surely very helpful. So I started to ask if they had a baster, and then realized I had no idea what the word is for that. So I described it in the following manner, "It's a tube with a bulb at the end for sucking up the juice." I don't know the word for bulb either so I took a shot at just adding an -a-, which often works to make English word into a Spanish word. Which turned "bulb" into "bulba". Now, in spanish the -b- and the -v- are completely interchangeable, you cannot tell the difference in spoken language. Let's substitute a -v- for the -b-s, shall we? Yes, that turns "bulba" into "vulva". I believe we all know what a "vulva" is! And I know it's the same word in spanish as in english because at my OB-GYN appointment, the Dr. said that exact word to me in spanish. Let's look at the origional sentence one more time with what I actually said... "It's a tube with a vulva at the end for sucking up the juices." Did you read that with a heavy Spanish accent? I hope so, b/c it makes it 10 times funnier.