Fear, Birthing, and Empowerment

We went to a nearby lake to splash around in the water with the kids. It was beautiful and, as always, so refreshing to be out in nature. Because a friend came with us, I was able to break away from the three tiny people who control my life. ;) I went to sit on some rocks for a while and enjoy the water splashing on the rocks and the leaves blowing in the wind. I really wanted to swim but I have to admit that I'm slightly afraid of water. Maybe seeing snippets of JAWS on TNT or TBS when I was young had a lasting effect, I dunno! I almost went back to the kids without going for a swim. But then I thought, "you'll regret if you don't go". So I got up my courage and swam out a little way (and when I say little, I mean it, I'm not a very efficient swimmer...breath, gulp, spatter, kick, dive, doggie paddle) ;) All silliness aside, once I got in and swam, it was so empowering. I was thinking about why it was empowering and made me feel so alive and realized that it was because I confronted a fear. 

This made me think of birthing Lucy. I was afraid. I was about 7 mo along when I realized I had to push that thing that was growing bigger and bigger by the minute out of a small hole in a very private place that I was hoping wouldn't incur lasting damage in the process. I think the picture below might describe the fear I was feeling best.

 I was afraid but I knew I wanted to do it naturally, even though I didn't know what that entailed (i.e. the pain, the mental and physical endurance, etc). So I did it and when I came out of the other side of that, I felt like I could do anything and that experience changed me forever in so many ways that I thank Lucy for having a part in. (and now I have these three cuties because of those experiences:)

 And I have found that over and over again, empowerment lies on the other side of fear, even when the thing you were afraid of doesn't turn out so great, you at least have the empowerment of knowing that you tried and that fear doesn't rule your actions.

I know that not all women's childbirth experiences are like mine was. But I fell in love with childbirth--not with the pain, but with the amazing emotional journey it is capable of taking a woman and her partner on. That's why I am going to become a childbirth educator, b/c I love it and b/c I want as many women as possible to have an experience that they love too. You never forget your birthing experience, it becomes part of your identity and I want the honor of being a part of that process.